October 09, 2016

A not so secret, secret.

    We all have secrets, whether big or small, we have them lurking deep inside. We hide our secrets from others, for fear of not being exactly like everyone else, for fear of not fitting in, or being "weird".  As we grow older and more confident in ourselves, more comfortable in our own skin, it gets easier to be who we really are. Sometimes, people will never truly come out of their proverbial shell and show the world their true face, but I think its about time I show mine. I've hinted around it, but never really stood in the spotlight to let you all really, truly, see me...all of me.

  Growing up, I was raised Mormon, a devout Latter Day Saint, Christian girl. I was taught that when you died, you either went to Heaven or hell. I have now left the Mormon faith and that's a long story for another time, but when you die, you go to live with God, or so I was told. While I still believe this is true, I know there are other things going on and many things that none of us can explain. 

  From a young age I felt a little different than my siblings and friends. You see, I had a keen interest in the paranormal and things that can't be easily explained. Sure, the 1980's were full of ghostly and mysterious types of entertainment. GhostbustersBeetlejuice, Indiana Jones, Unsolved Mysteries, just to name a few of some of my favorite movies & TV shows from that time. Did this mold or create my obsession and fear in things that go bump in the night? Maybe. Has my intense interest in spirits, ghosts, folklore and mystery been strictly because of the supernatural, spine-chilling entertainment from that awesome decade? Maybe. Somehow though, it has become my favorite and most loved subject to research and learn about. Not because I find it so easy to face, or purely an exciting hobby, but because I need to find answers to why I have experienced certain things
. There's a lot that I've kept hidden and only those closest to me have heard some of these stories that I'm about to share with you. If you're ready, take a seat and open your mind, cause I'm about to blow it.

As a young child I was constantly told how "intuitive" I was. How I just always knew how people felt and had an empathy "beyond my years". I felt a lot. Peoples emotions really affected me. They still do. Beside the intuition and empathy, there were a few other things that came easily to me. I sensed things, scary things sometimes, and I seemed to easily know if people were good or bad, or places for that matter. I have experienced countless moments of wonder and intense fear with what we call the paranormal. I'll tell you about my first memory of the paranormal but, this is where I'm going to need you to throw your preconceived notions out the window and just go with me on this trip down haunted-memory lane.

 I remember running up the stairs at the tender age of 4. This memory is so clear to me, as if it happened yesterday, it's still so surreal and vivid. Probably because I still want to know what invisible thing hurt me. Yeah, that's right, something that I couldn't see, physically hurt me. 
  34 years ago, I was happily playing with cousins at a family event of some sort in our home in West Jordan, Utah. I momentarily left the fun and skipped down the hallway, turned the corner then began to run up the stairs. I was making a mad dash to get other toys, when out of nowhere and with nothing around me, I felt a burn, a piercing cut ripped through my lip and cheek in an instant. It was like a sharp needle slashed my face mid-air. That's what I believed. Looking around in complete shock, and solitude, my tiny brain searching to put this puzzle together, I then tasted and felt the warm drips of blood running down my lip and chin before running to my parents. 

After being fixed up and asked a hundred questions as to how this happened, and with no way to answer their inquisitive requests, the revelry with the adults began again and I was sent on my way to play, scared and utterly confused. I inspected that stairwell and hallway so many times after that, and still go back in my mind to this day, trying to understand what did that to me. I have some ideas, and none are comforting conclusions.

I have so many more stories of my encounters with the paranormal. Some that will leave you unable to sleep alone for some time, others that will mystify you, like they have with me. I feel like it's time to open up with my stories. Now I say stories, but all are 100% real and all lead me to one conclusion... I must be a little "sensitive". Sensitive to a world that definitely exists within our busy, chaotic life. A world where our deceased family can communicate with us. A world where things try to scare you and touch you. A world that most definitely haunts homes and places and I've felt and danced with this world, on a few occasions, in my 38 years.

 What has played and toyed with me during different times in my life. I want to explain what happens after we die and know what it is I fear and chase. I am intrinsically drawn to historic buildings and places for some reason. While there I sense things, I feel things. I see things within my minds eye. What does it all mean? Why can I do this? Why do I love nothing more than to watch the latest episode of any ghost hunting show more than anything else? When my father told me as a teenager that watching things to do with hauntings or ghosts, would only invite evil things in, I knew he meant well, but didn't fully understand it was just because I was searching for answers to what was going on with me. 

 My passion for this subject has only been strengthened with time and as I have let go of fear and embraced it. Now, I search out spooky experiences. I stay in haunted hotels, haunted castles, I travel to the strange and mysterious. I crave to learn about history and a time long forgotten. If I'm honest, all my life I wished I was a woman Ghostbuster/Indiana Jones, but maybe, without realizing it,  I already am?

Fun fact before I let you go, I have an abandoned cemetery in the woods behind my house. I mean for goodness sakes, why wouldn't I?! We only found that out after we bought this house. Coincidence? I think not. I have some really good stories to tell and I'm finally ready to show a side to me that at one time, I felt judged for admitting was such a big part of who I am.

Should I tell you next about the haunted house in England, well, there were a few, or the haunted graveyard in the woods behind my house? Or the time I explored the catacombs of Paris with my best friend and oh, you know, 6 million corpses...  Stay tuned because I have some big news and exciting things to announce in the next week or so!!!

xo Emily xo


jule_in_hamburg said...

This is so cool, Emily! Thank you for sharing! jule_in_hamburg from Instagram ;o)

Justin said...

This was such a cool read, Emily! While I am personally skeptical of things my logical mind can't process I think it's very fascinating to read about it. I'll be waiting for more.